What did he say? Football’s hilarious innuendo: Super Bowl…

According to Wikipedia:

A double entendre is a figure of speech in which a spoken phrase is devised to be understood in either of two ways. Often the first (more obvious) meaning is straightforward, while the second meaning is less so: often risqué or ironic.

When describing football, players use take their hands off, try to find the hole, and shoot into the gap. This makes for some often hilarious commentary. I would have far more of these, except I was watching more of The Bachelor than Monday Night Football this season.

Enjoy, and if you remember any others, write them down in the comments!

Pitta and Yonda do a great job of forcing the hole open

– Browns @ Ravens

Sheets, takes the hand off, finds the hole…

– Jennifer Hedger, TSN, describing Riders Sheets on a running play. October 8, 2012.

His balls had a lot of zip on ’em all week.

– Bears WR Brandon Marshall re: QB Jay Cutler returning to practice

Nobody hits the home run like Chris Johnson. If you make a mistake in a gap, forget about it… Jets jump in to their bear defence, they don’t account for all the proper gaps. Watch Chris Johnson come out of the trash, find a lane and hit this crease.

– Jets @ Titans

2013 #Canucks Twitter Hockey – Smythe Pool

Thank you all for joining the #Canucks Twitter Fans pool in the Smythe Division.

Fun draft tonight! Another great group of people. Everyone’s Twitter details are below.

This year is a Rotisserie league. In Rotisserie pools, each team is ranked on a number of statistic categories based on how they compare with other teams. Then, your placement in those rankings are summed to determine your current score.

For example, if there are 12 managers in the pool, and you’re 1st place in goals and 2nd place in assists, you will get 12 pts for goals, 11 pts for assists. The manager with the lowest rank in each category gets 1 pt. The manager with the most points at the end of the season wins.

Clearly it makes sense to go for players that will do well in numerous stat categories.

Some of the finer details:

• 25 Moves Maximum. This means you can drop players and pick up available players as Free Agents (FA) or off Waivers (W). The initial waiver order is reverse draft order. If two managers make a claim for a player on waivers, the manager with the lower waiver priority will get the player.
• 2 Days Waiver time. When a manager drops a player, their status is W for waiver for 2 days, before they become FA or Free Agent.
• 25 Trades Maximum. Trades are reviewed by the Commissioner before being approved.
• 48 Games Maximum at each roster spot. This means 96 games for both C, both G, and 192 games among all your D, and all your Wingers.

Drafted	Team	1st Round Pick	Name	Twitter
1	Peter North Stars	Steven Stamkos	Mike M.	@mikemallen
2	@transcendwebs	Evgeni Malkin	Bruce	@transcendwebs
3	Bro Sakic	Sidney Crosby	Mike	@MikeGT79
4	Stick Me Some Semin	Claude Giroux	Byron	@ByronFok
5	Gin & Tanev	Corey Perry	Kate	@kleine_snowdrop
6	AvoidTheCheck	Daniel Sedin	Taryn	@taryneliza_beth
7	Jagr Bomb	Henrik Lundqvist	Jag	@BrownAristotle
8	Pyke Golden Krakens	Alex Ovechkin	Marcus	@scronide
9	Vancouver CanDucks	Teemu Selanne	Jordan	@iskeets0ysauce
10	MotherPuckers	Jonathan Quick	Liz	@ilovedeluscious
11	JacksonAllJacks	Erik Karlsson	Dawn	@me_my_and_i
12	#WinDaTurd	John Tavares	Chad	@C_Forrest

Hockey For Rookie Parents – What You Need to…

 

My youngest son Matthew is playing ice hockey this year, like any good Canadian kid. It is awesome watching him skate around out there and having fun! Like Matthew, I’m a rookie too, as this is the first year either of my kids are playing organized ice hockey. I’ve already learned some lessons that I can pass along to future hockey parents – hope you enjoy the post.

What Level Should My Kid Play In?

Matthew is playing hockey with the Semiahmoo Minor Hockey Association. He turned 6 this year, which puts him at the Hockey 2 level, which is in the Initiation or Tyke age category for Hockey Canada or PCAHA. The Pacific Coast Amateur Hockey Association is the umbrella association for minor hockey clubs like Semiahmoo Minor.

Category	Hockey Canada	PCAHA	Players’ Ages
Hockey 1	Initiation	Tyke	primarily 5 year olds
Hockey 2	Initiation	Tyke	6 year olds
Hockey 3	Novice	Novice	7 year olds
Hockey 4	Novice	Novice	8 year olds

Kids older than 8 years will play in the Atom level and advance from there:

• Atom (ages 9-10)
• Pee Wee (ages 11–12)
• Bantam (ages 13–14)
• Midget (ages 15–17)
• Juvenile (ages 18–20)

My Kid is Really Good – What About Rep Teams and Junior Hockey?

First of all, everyone’s kid is really good. Yes, every single kid is going to the NHL. However, should you really and truly be raising the next future NHL star (like everyone – yes, everyone), elite players will play on travel or “rep” teams which scale up all the way to various junior level leagues, which are for players from 16-20 years of age. The age at which rep teams start varies between associations and provinces. I’ve seen rep teams begin as early as age 6 or 7. To make the roster of a rep team, tryouts are typically required. Those that don’t make it to rep are encouraged to stay in house leagues.

How Much Does It Cost?

Well, that depends. First – how good is your kid? No, seriously. Second – how much money do you have?

Here’s a breakdown of payables. For us, Matthew is beginning young, and in a house league, so this is probably the cheapest season of hockey we will ever pay for.

Registration Fee	$535
Equipment	$200
Tournament Entry Fee	$60
Trophy, Socks, Gift for Coach	$65
Volunteer Fee	$200
Total	$1060

We got the cheap starter equipment bag from Canadian Tire, which includes pants, shoulder pads, elbow pads, shinguards and a practice jersey. We got a cheap composite stick from Costco. Matthew’s skates are hand-me-downs from his older brother, and he had a helmet that still fits from his old skating lessons. So this is on the very cheap side of the scale, even for a 6 year old player. The Volunteer Fee is interesting – if you choose not to “volunteer” you can pay a fee of $200. All others are “Voluntold” to put in at least 4 hours of work for the association, which usually involves fundraising of some kind.

There is a much broader conversation about the cost of hockey in North America. There have been many articles written about how much minor hockey costs, and how the cost to play is prohibitive.

“We are catering to the kids that are more spoiled in that they come from money – they want this, they want that – and those are the kids that eventually down the line don’t make it because they’ve had everything given to them easy. It’s the ones that have to work harder, train harder and don’t have the money (who) are hungrier to get (successful) and we’re knocking those kids out of the game.”
– Peter Zezel, former NHL player. Quote via The Star

The cost to put Matthew in minor hockey, playing with his 6 year old buddies is on the very low end of the spectrum. As the kids get older, registration and equipment can cost more than $10,000 a season, and God forbid you have a kid that’s a goalie.

What Do We Get For This Money?

Semiahmoo Minor has hundreds of players registered every year, and the vast majority of people are volunteers. Matthew’s team has a Head Coach, two Assistant Coaches, Team Manager, Player Safety person. In addition, there is a power skating coach who specializes in improving the kids’ skating skills.

If you’ve played any hockey, you know how expensive ice time can be, even if you’ve got a dozen players splitting the cost at midnight. Despite the cost, I thought there was actually decent value for what we’ve paid – 2 to 3 sessions each week, varying days and times. Ice times are as early as 7AM, as late as 6PM, which is not bad at all. From October to mid-December, it’s strictly practices, power skating and scrimmages. Our one tournament is just before Christmas, which is also when games begin against other league teams.

What’s Next?

Matthew and myself both love hockey, and we’re both competitive. Once he and his brother threatened to cheer for the Blackhawks because they had beaten the Canucks in the playoffs. I then promptly told them to pack a bag if they want to cheer for another team. I’m certain there will be some future posts about Crazy Hockey Parents, which may in fact be introspective. I’m also hoping to write posts about coaching, scheduling and finances.

If you’ve got any questions, comments or suggestions, please let me know below.

No NHL, No Problem: Little Penguins Skate On

This season my younger son Matthew is playing for the Semiahmoo Minor Hockey Association, the Hockey 2 “Penguins”. As there is no NHL season in sight, I will continue to keep blogging hockey, covering the Semiahmoo Penguins.

Hockey Goes On

This season’s Semiahmoo Penguins features a young line up. Well, that’s no revelation since most of last year’s crop has moved on to Hockey 3. Those that didn’t make it to Hockey 3 have joined their local U8 soccer team, or needed to focus more on their Grade 2 schooling, or just hung up their skates to early retirement. Most of the Penguins skaters are rookies, however, they do have a trio of returning veterans from the Hockey 1 Rangers, all of which are very promising players and can “pretty much skate backwards pretty good”.

The Penguins pre-season schedule features practices through October and November, which includes Black versus Colours team-only scrimmages. They will begin to play other league teams in December, and have a tournament just before Christmas.

Penguins Injury Report – Really Flightless Birds

Matthew suffered a mildly sprained wrist when he fell off the jungle gym on the playground. The injury was exacerbated when his older brother hit him on the arm. The velocity on his wrist shot might be negatively affected, but thankfully he can still play the piano. He is considered day-to-day.

And The Beats Go On in the NHL

With apologies to Sonny and Cher:

The beats go on, the beats go on – Checks keep pounding hits to the brain…

Raffi Torres Suspended 25 Games for hit on Marian Hossa

Brendan Shanahan and the NHL Player Safety Department made a statement by suspending Raffi Torres for the remainder of this year’s playoffs, and probably well into the 2012-2013 regular season. I do not have a problem with the length of this suspension. My issue is with the consistency of the suspensions as a whole. The Torres hit on Hossa was dangerous, but according to Justyna Gluch (@MidwayJustyna from Midway Madness), it was a borderline hockey play – maybe a fraction of a second too late, and if Torres had not leaped into Hossa, the hit would have a little more legal. I’d like to add and underline the word “reckless“. Torres is a 5 time repeat offender with respect to the NHL and supplementary discipline, and all of his hits have the same careless, reckless nature. They’re all at high speed, and all direct shots to the head, with the elbow or shoulder.

There’s no need for that type of play. It’s clear Torres didn’t see the pre-season video from the NHL Player Safety Department, or maybe his copy was switched with Don Cherry’s Rock ’em Sock ’em Hockey. Either way, if Torres wants to stay in the NHL, he needs to re-tool his game, much like Matt Cooke did this season with the Penguins.

Very little consistency from NHL Player Safety department

Torres was handed a 25-game suspension, yet Shea Weber’s WWE turnbuckle smash of Henrik Zetterberg’s head got him a $2500 fine. Other star players received fines or 1-game suspensions that did not hurt their team. Perhaps it’s just anecdotal evidence that I’m looking at, but it does seem that “star players” in the NHL are not served the same rulebook as “role players”.

No respect among NHL players

Respecting the opposition doesn’t mean you have to invite them to the team-only Super Mario Kart tournament, or to the pregame soccer warm-up. Respect to me is some basic human decency, within the framework of a game of hockey. Bodychecks are legal hits, meant to dislodge a player from the puck. A legal check doesn’t have to be thrown at 50 M.P.H. with the intent to hit the player into next week.

This has been happening for a long time. Scott Stevens made a career out of hard hits, half of which would be borderline hockey plays, and likely reviewed for suspension. There is a long list of players that have ended their careers early because of hits to the head. Hockey fans have to wonder how hockey history would be different if players like Keith Primeau, Eric Lindros, Paul Kariya and Marc Savard had played full and healthy careers. Sidney Crosby may yet be added to that list.

Is there anything wrong with letting up a bit? Hits at 30 M.P.H. along the ice are still just as devastating. How about a quick “Heads Up”, or God forbid letting your skills do the talking?

Players expect too much of the league, and should expect more of themselves

How many times have you watched player interviews after a game with a questionable hit? Coaches and players are guilty of trying to “let the league deal with it”. The players go out and play their game, hit their hits, and then take whatever happens with respect to discipline. Am I the only one who believes the players should just know better?

 

 

Canucks Wagonwatch: Game 66 vs Sabres

Throughout the season, the Canucks Wagonwatch series will track how much room is on the team’s bandwagon. In addition, it will also track the completely separate Luongo wagon.

Canucks Bandwagon: 70% full

The Canucks were down 3-0 after the first 5:10 of the game. Despite people making Luongo to be the goat here, the defensive coverage was horrible for this first segment of the game. Rome and Bieksa’s coverage smelled fishy, and not in an orca-like way. After the goalie switch, the bleeding stopped on the scoreboard, but it was already too late. The Canucks brought the score to within one with a couple minutes to go, but their expansion cousins from Buffalo scored into an empty net to salt away the victory.

Luongo Bandwagon: 60% full

Luongo allowed 3 goals on 7 shots for a .571 save percentage. He looked bad on the first goal, which fluttered 5-hole. He looked unlucky on the second goal, swatting a puck out directly onto Ville Leino’s stick, who was free from Kevin Bieksa’s “coverage” (and I use that term loosely – just like Bieksa’s coverage). The third goal was a perfect shot, which no one saw until off-ice officials confirmed it was actually a goal, minutes after the play actually occurred. Tough luck night for Luongo, and he was mercifully pulled for Schneider. Normally, when a goalie stinks it up for one night after playing like Superman for 2 months, his popularity wouldn’t dwindle too badly. But this is Luongo, and this is Vancouver. Numerous people were actually seen jumping from the Luongo wagon. Thankfully, no one broke their ankles, despite the rush to jump off.

#Coho4Calder #Kassian4Kalder

One of the many sub-plots prior to this game was the return of Cody Hodgson to Vancouver. Since the trade, Hodgson has dodged questions with respect to any trade requests. He hasn’t admitted or denied anything. Which as we all know, means he asked for a trade. Maybe not this year, but it happened. #ComeOnNow

In Vancouver, if you request a trade out of town, fans take it as a personal insult (bye bye, Pavel Bure). Fans would take it as a slap in the face if you requested a trade, and you are from Toronto (don’t let the door hit your rear on the way out). So Hodgson has been smart not to say anything.

I thought I would like it if Hodgson had a good game, but when Coho swam into the Canucks end, tried to beat 4 of his old teammates and got turned away, I found myself yelling “Get that weak stuff out of here, Cody!”. Fans around me agreed, and admittedly, it did not help that the Canucks were down 3-0 at the time. Hodgson finished with 16:52 of ice time on the night, no points and +1 rating. Good luck kid – this writer will miss you. #Truth

Zack Kassian before the game had looked good in a Canucks uniform. I was not expecting much. Kassian had to have some skills, as he played very well for Team Canada in the World Junior tournament, but the Sabres hadn’t played him much. He came as advertised – a big kid who wasn’t afraid to use his size. I was pleasantly surprised by his hands though. Before Saturday night, Kassian showed off his hitting prowess, and some flashes of offensive skill with some nice looking passes as well.

Saturday night was more of a coming out party for Canucks new rookie. Kassian was 1G 1A with 7 hits in 10:40 of ice time. The goal and the assist were nice, but I was more impressed with his overall play. One play in particular – Kassian was skating into the offensive zone on the right boards, with Kesler behind him, and two Sabres defenders in front of him. Kassian made a simple drop pass for Kesler, and then headed to the net, backing down the Sabres defenders which gave Kesler time and space. It was a simple play, but a play that created space in the offensive zone for a skilled player. Love the game within the game! Did you notice anything about the new Canucks that you were impressed with? Write a comment and let me know.

One Night in Vancouver at the St. Regis Hotel

On Friday I was lucky enough to win this contest: Win a Deluxe Hockey Night Out From the St. Regis Hotel, courtesy of VancityBuzz.com. Included in this contest win:

• $100 gift certificate to the St. Regis Bar and Grill
• 2 lower bowl tickets to the Vancouver Canucks vs Buffalo Sabres
• One night stay at the St. Regis Hotel (which includes free breakfast the next morning!)

The St. Regis Hotel has been beautifully renovated as a boutique hotel in Downtown Vancouver. The hotel is on the corner of Seymour and Dunsmuir – walking distance to everything I love about downtown. It’s close to shopping, all kinds of transportation options, and of course, Rogers Arena and BC Place.

It was a tough game for the Canucks, but personally, we had a great time. Thanks Vancity Buzz and The St. Regis Hotel for a wonderful night!

VancityBuzz.com is @VancityBuzz on Twitter – a great local resource for news and opinions on anything Vancouver.

The St. Regis Hotel is @theStRegisHotel on Twitter. More information is available on their website at www.stregishotel.com

Thomas has a seat in Washington DC – on…

Flash back to January 7, 2012

The Canucks decide to start Cory Schneider in Boston, in the only Stanley Cup Final rematch during the regular season. Luongo sits on the bench and is serenaded by the Bruins faithful for much of the game. The drama before and after the game was something else. Bruins fans were calling out Luongo before the game began, even Canucks fans were chirping among themselves.

Many fans from both sides said that Luongo should have “demanded” to start in Boston.

At the end of the game, the Canucks won 4-3. The game was electric, and was as advertised – the best game of the year for Canucks fans. Neither team has looked very good for the rest of January, making this writer think that perhaps the game that was “just another 2 points” was much more than that for both squads.

The media circus was pretty wild, and the blogging was all of that, amplified. Here’s one shining example:

Red Hot Luongo to watch Bs Game so Schneider can play in front of his Family… Fucking Lame Vancouver

Flash forward to January 23, 2012

The Bruins are honoured at the White House, as is customary for championship sports teams in the USA. Tim Thomas decides not to show, and releases this statement, via Facebook:

I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People.

This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government.

Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL.

This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic.  TT

He says it’s not about politics or party, but his opinion on government is all about politics. Even if we believe Tim Thomas and it’s not about party (which I don’t), it’s not a stretch to say Tim Thomas doesn’t like the current US administration. Don’t be surprised if Tim Thomas runs for office in 2016. Just like #Coho4Calder, you heard it here first.

In a Strange Twist of Fate: 

It was not Luongo on the bench, in enemy territory. This time, it was Tim Thomas on the bench. In enemy territory. Think about it. He snubs the White House visit, basically calling out his own government, and then the next day is riding the pine? Come on, Thomas.

You should have “demanded” that start in Washington DC.

You don’t like the White House, you don’t like the government. Now your next game is in Washington DC, home of the White House – you’re in enemy territory and you sit on the bench while the backup gets the start. And your team loses to the Capitals, who are without Alex Ovechkin? Just another reason to hate Washington.