Lord of the NHL – The Two Towers

January 12, 2013
by brucen

The lockout is over! Pending a ratified CBA, we’re looking at the return of NHL hockey on January 19th.

The night before the lockout ended, I decided to watch Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers, for the hundredth time. It occurred to me that the movie plot is closely related to the NHL lockout. Thanks to @midway_brennan and @keribo1 (both Blackhawks fans!) for having some fun with me on the #LOTNHL hashtag.

This is the story of how the lockout ended, as told by me.

“YOU SHALL NOT PASS .. this sad excuse for a pension plan.”

Frodo: “What’s on Sportsnet?”

Sam: “Well, let me see.”

Sam: “Oh yes, lovely. Negotiations.
And look! More negotiations.”

Sam: “This looks strangely familiar.”

Frodo: “Because we’ve watched this before. These negotiations are going in circles!”

“There is no promise you can make that I can trust. You will lead us to the Black Gate. And 57% of Hockey Related Revenue.”

"Looks like meat and player pensions are back on the menu boys!"

Eomer: “We piled the carcasses of the last offer sheet there. We left none alive.”

Aragorn: “Talks have broken off? Again?”

Eomer: “Look for your deal, but do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these fans.”

“I am Gandalf the Federal Mediator. And I come to you now, at the turn of the tide.”

Hama: “By order of the NHL, the arenas must empty. We make for the leagues of Europe.
Do not burden yourself with long contracts.
Take only what sticks you need.”

“New Year’s Eve. Where is the stick and puck?
Where is the goal horn that was blowing.
How did it come to this.”

Aragorn: “Ride out and meet them.”

Theoden: “Yes! Let this be the hour when we draw up a CBA together.”

Theoden: “Fell deeds awake. Now for give. Now for take. And the Red Pen writes!”

110 — "I know. It’s January already. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy. How could hockey go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this lockout. Sensible offer sheets must pass. A new season will come. And when the puck drops the ice will shine out the clearer."

Sam: “Those were the lockout stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand that hockey is big business. But I think I do understand. I know now. They had lots of chances of signing only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.”

Frodo: “What are we holding on to, Sam?”

Sam: “That there’s some good money in this world, Mister Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for HRR.”